A 32 year old sales manager from Cheshire is contemplating suing a local Greggs store after having sex with a chicken pasty and burning his penis. Howard Russell loves pasty’s so much that he has developed a weird sexual fetish for having sex with them, but he got more than he bargained for after one of the heated snacks burnt his bellend.
Nursing his tender member, Mr Russell told the Sunday Sport, “I have been into Greggs many, many times and never have I seen a sign warning you not to put your penis into one of their products – especially after it has been reheated.
“That, to me, is a clear case of negligence and I intend to sue.
“I made a phone call to one of those solicitors who advertise on the telly but unfortunately the person on the end of the phone had some sort of coughing fit when I explained my predicament.
“I ran my helmet under cold water straight away but I’m still in agony and can barely walk. It’s covered in blisters. I may never be able to have sex with a pasty again.”
Greggs was unavailable for comment, and it is not known whether they will be putting warnings on their pasties from now on. The story is currently trending on Twitter with the hashtags #pastiegate and #shagapasty.
Whether the article is an early April Fools or not there is one thing for sure, you wouldn’t go to a national newspaper if you burnt your penis on a Greggs pasty would you.